3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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