is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
