Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Randomize
