when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
