Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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