did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
