EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
