i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you made out with another girl for some wings
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
