Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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