yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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