How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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