A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
