well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
