i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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