if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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