I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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