You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
