I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
