Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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