i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The air was thick with penises
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
