I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the liver wants what the liver wants
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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