yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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