my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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