Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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