I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
