I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
