Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
