You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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