Four minutes until I can fart!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
