Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
