It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
