I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
