Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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