he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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