Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
