I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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