so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
