I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i dont even know how to be here
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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