and she was petting her beer can
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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