Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
