We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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