I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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