That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When are your genitals available?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
