Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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