My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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