I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
