No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
