just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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