capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
handjob tips. give me some.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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