You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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